Way to go lakers fans! (stupids)

Its no secret that basketball is finally over. Mercifully concluded. I watched the last 7 minutes of game seven of the Lakers versus the Boston team. It seemed to drag on forever!! And what's the deal with there being a "penalty shot" whenever someone as much as looks at someone? I thought this was a Man's league?

OK, sorry, I'm not writing this to bitch about basketball, just their fans.

Hundreds of extra police had to be deployed because Lakers fans can't behave themselves. The Lakers win the championship! Kick Ass! Awesome! NEEEEEE HAWWWW! I know, I'll light a car on fire, destroy a bus and tip other vehicles over. because its well known the world over that nothing says congratulations like random acts of useless destruction.

Don't get me wrong, the majority celebrates and has a good time. At the apartment place where I live there was a bunch of people hootin and hollerin and carrying on in celebration. And that's cool. But nothing says you are a moron more than you jumping up and down on a car that isn't yours and destroying it. Every single one of those morons that are vandalizing would be PISSED off if someone was breaking their crap.

I say arrest them all. And then they get to watch as people get to break everything they own. Dumbasses, that's all they are.

Oh, and in a move I thought was pretty cool: After the game some lakers player named Ron Artest thanked his shrink for his success. Dude must have serious problems if this is the first person he thanks after winning the championship.

The "Badassery" Top 10

I've been thinking about who the top ten movie villains were, when an even better thought popped into my head: What would a list look like where the top 10 were all bad asses all the time? Where there is no room on the list for weakness. I mean movie villains are typically beaten, and usually by some weak retarded idiotic plot manuver that if it stayed true to the character would never have happend.

So with that I present to you the top ten Badasses:

10: Darth Vader. He set the bar. Yes he became a wuss in the last Star Wars movie but in the first two? He WAS THE bad ass. He was a stooge for the emperor, but the emperor was no match for him. Vader looks cool, and makes Jedi squirm in their goodie goodie boots.

9: Chuck Norris. Wait what? Trust me, look up Chuck Norris on the Internet and you will see all kinds of references as to how much of a bad ass Chuck is. And besides, once you see Invasion USA, and Missing in Action 1 and 2, you'll be convinced.

8: That Douche CEO from BP, Tony something or other. I know you think I'm nuts, but bear with me. This guy knows that the oil spill in the gulf is the worst ecological disaster in US history and he has the stones to say: "In comparison to the ocean which is large, this is a small oil spill", and this gem: "There are more shrimp providers than just Louisiana". This guy could teach Norris and Vader a thing or two.

7: Nosferatu: This is what a vampire is supposed to be. Not some pretty boy with long flowing hair and dashing eyes and sparkles in the light. The undead are supposed to be horrible creatures, not creatures of envy. Nosferatu is horrible. Horrible to look at and horrible to experience. He'll kill and destroy whatever he has to so he can get his blood on. Top that sparkly twitard things.

6: Machiavelli: This guy wrote the manual on how to be a bad ass. Read his book "The Prince" and then get back to me if you disagree. His book is a how to manual on how a bad ass is supposed to operate. And anyone who can write that is a bad ass.

5: The Devil. If God is all that is good in this world than certainly the devil is all that is evil and rotten. A bad ass not need be an anti-hero, he can be a bad ass and be totally despised. But in considering the list, for the sake of integrity I must include the oldest bad ass history has known.

4: Barny: Yes that purple F'n dinosaur. He acts all cute and stuff, but when parents aren't watching he brainwashes your kids into pressuring you to buy his bad ass merchandise. and how can parents refuse their whining brats. If the Devil is the OG bad ass, he still looks up to Barny for how to do it right.

3: The Brown Recluse Spider: This is the bad ass of bad asses in the insect world. Google spider necrosis and see the badassery that this spider can unleash upon you. This spider bites you and if merciful death doesn't claim you, then you develop necrosis. And that means that the area affected just dies. It does not grow back and their is no cure.

2: The Tall Man from the Phantasm movies: This guy is relentless. He has that wicked cool ball that he can send after you and he'll chase you himself, and if that doesn't work he's got an army of midgets at his disposal. He will get you.

1: The number 1 bad ass i leave to you, whoever has read this. Let me know who you think is the biggest bass ass in history and why. This could be fun.

Runner up. I was gonna put myself in this list as a bad ass. But we all know that I'm not. I pay my taxes, love my family and stay home more often than not. But I'm good with not being on the list.

Other runner up: I was gonna put The Eye of sauron and his minions on this list, but geez come on they got beat by a retarded midget.

Thrown Under The Bus By Alex

It's been a long time since I posted one of these so I thought it was a good idea to get it going again by telling one of my favorite stories from the recent past.

Let me set this up by saying there are some TV shows that Virginia does not want Alex to watch. She really does not want him to watch the simpsons, Cops and a bunch of others.

So, Virginia was at work one day, and we were watching Unbeatable Banzuki on G4 network. And the whole time we are watching it, they are advertising cops is up next. I love the show cops. It's one of my favorites on TV. Well I think that it's ok to watch lost of the time, even if Virginia doesn't.

I decide to let him watch it.

I also decide to not tell Virginia

Then I decide to hide it from her, and have Alex help me hide it from her.

We all know that this cannot end well don't we?

So, I get the bright idea that Alex can watch cops, but as soon as his mom comes home that he immediately changes the show to whatever is on food network. Alex is totally on board. We even have a few practice runs to make sure he knows what to do.

It's funny to see a 4 1/2 year old boy fumble for the remote and hurriedly change the channel when hearing "momma is home, momma is home!!!!!"

So i am using the vaccum and Virginia comes home from work and I turn to Alex and mouth the words "momma is home, momma is home!!!!!" he changes the channel and all is well. We have gotten away with the perfect crime!!!! Hahahaha, or so I had thought....

Well imagine my suprise when my wife came up to me and told me "Alex told me what you did". And I'm thinking "oh crap, what did I do?" and that's when I found out how hard my son had just thrown me under the bus

He had told his momma that he was watching Racheal Ray, but he had been watching cops, but daddy had told him to change the channel and tell momma that he had only been watching food network.

Can you believe that?? I had committed the perfect crime, but my boy ratted me out to his momma! Curses!

The moral here? Don't involve children in your devious plots, not if you want to get away with it that is.




- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Movie Day Sunday Reviews

This weekend I saw 2 movies. I saw Legion, and I saw the Tooth Fairy.

Legion is:
"A group of strangers in an out-of-the-way eatery who become the first line of defense when God, believing the human race is no longer worthy of Him, decides to end their existence. This motley crew's only spiritual ally is the archangel Michael" (http://www.hollywood.com/movie/Legion/3701688)

I should have known better. But the trailer for this pulled me in. It looked like a cool action movie with some over the top special effects. Lets sum it up like this: The special effects were not all that special, the action sequences were to short, the story had more holes then Swiss cheese and the acting was crap.

I am dumber for having seen this movie.

Then there is the Tooth Fairy:
"This family comedy following a star hockey player's (Dwayne Johnson) temporary transformation into a full-fledged tooth fairy as penalty for discouraging a young fan. Ashley Judd and Julie Andrews co-star" (http://www.hollywood.com/movie/The_Tooth_Fairy/3506271)

The commercials for this have been on for weeks and my son has been after me to go and see it. So it was Lucero family movie day and we went to see it. My question is that Dwayne Johnson learns all of these family lessons while being the Tooth Fairy, but then has this forgetful dust placed on him so he forgets all that he did while being a Tooth Fairy. What??? How the hell would he remember the lessons he learned, if he is forced to forget the whole experience???

This movie was about 30 minutes too long. My boy was telling me he wanted to go home with about 20 minutes left. He said he liked the movie, but it was too long. He was right.

Which movie was better? The Tooth Fairy. There were actually some really funny moments in this movie and it knew what its audience was. Legion however was a gigantic crap pile that I'm afraid I'll never be able to escape.

Want to see a good movie with action in it? Go see The Book of Eli. That was one of the best movies I've seen in a while.

The top things of 2000

Because I am too lazy to do top 10 lists for all of this stuff, I'm doing several top 5 lists.

Here we go:

Top 5 Movies I saw in 2009

5: Gran Torino. I don't care when this movie came out, I saw it this year and it was nothing short of awesome. Clint Eastwod is the original bad ass and still is!

4: Taken. Liam Neeson was great in this movie about a guy who hears his daughter get kidnapped while on the phone with her . Then he goes and gets her back. See it. It's great

3: Ninja Assassin. You see the movie title. There better be ninja killing action. There had better be killin all over the place. This movie delivers all of that 20 times over with gratuitous amounts of blood.

2: Avatar. I didn't want to see this movie but my wife dragged me to it. I'm glad she did, liberal agenda politics aside this was a great example of movie making at it's finest.

1: District 9. You want a sci fi tale of aparteid? Have it Take place in South Africa. Great story, great visuals, great action. What puts this at the top is that this movie is fresh compared with most sci fi released in the past decade or so.

Top 5 in TV

5: Lost
4: Heroes
3: 24
2: Any cop or crime show like cops or Americas wildest police chases or SWAT
1: The Shield

Top 5 Music

5: Five Finger Death Punch: War Is the Answer
4: Kelly Clarkson: All I Ever Wanted. I know I'm gonna take a lot of crap for this one, but tough , I thought this was awesome.
3: Jace Everett: Bad Things. This is as close to country as I am gong to get.
2: Machine Head's cover version of Iron Maiden's Hallowed Be Thy Name
1: Opeth: Watershed

Ok, that's my list, what's some of the entertainment stuff you loved from 2009 ?

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

The Trials of the Television

My boy is spoiled. Not only does have an HD TV in his room, he has a DVD player and cable. Hell I didnt have a TV until I bought my own. In
this electronic age I've tried to give my boy more than I had wen I was a kid. In that I have succeeded. But material gains do not a good parent make.

To many people think that as long as you keep giving you are doing a good job as a parent, as long as you make your child feel good then all will be well with the world. Well that's a big fat load if crap.

Kids need discipline and boundries. That means rules and concequences if they break those rules. I'm not advocating taking a 2x4 upside your kids head because they spilled some juice on the carpet. I'm not against spanking but i have found that it's not really all that effective.

And so we return to the TV in question. My dear sweet sweet boy was being a royal pain in the butt and being very disobedient. He was being a smart ass and mocking towards his mother and I. The TV was taken away from him. Not for 1 day, not for 2 days, but "until further notice". Who knows how long he'll has to be good to get his beloved TV back.

Considering how good he's been since that day I don't know if I'm inclined to ever give it back.

Being a parent is hard sometimes! But it is so worth it !



- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Christmas time: Reckanize!

Well its that time of year. That time when people obsess over weather or not they have so many lights up that their house can be seen from space. If they can outspend others on their gift giving gluttony. If they can send cards to people they no longer even associate with. Tiz the season for excess. Nevermind what the real reason of Christmas is. Christmas has trancesnded into something else, into something bigger than all of us.

Christmas. It's a word. It's a word now that has been marginalized into a dollar amount. In fact the word itself in recent years has been unsuccessfully removed by such groups as the foul (fowl?) ACLU and other liberal groups.

I suppose that most people are fine with the celebration of generosity and family togetherness that is associated with the holiday. But think of this, do non Jews celebrate giving gifts for hannika? Do non Muslims celebrate ramedan? So by that thinking non-Christians have no reason to celebrate Christmas right? I mean the "Christ" in Christmas means Jesus Christ.

I think that thought process is why some groups try to minimalize the real meaning of Christmas and try and force "Holidays" down peoples throats. These people are as guilty of forcing thier beliefs down on others as they complian about religious groups doing to them. Arnt they in effect going door to door like Mormons and Jehovah witnesses peddling their non-belief systems?

To this is say come up with a separate holiday. separate from arbor day and let's call it "Holidaymas". And everyone, believer and non-believer alike can celebrate with their own gift giving ways.

Can't we all just get along?

(I love my grill)

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Thanks for giving me a grill!!!

On this wonderful Thanksgiving day I am blessed with many things: a beautiful wife who so show puts up with all my crap, a son who somehow puts up with all my crap and friends who somehow put up with all my crap.

But today I am blessed with the wonderful grill which has brought many a fine breakfast, lunch and dessert. Today is no different as the grill has given me the juiciest tastiest turkey I have ever had.

Witness perfection:




Here is how it went down:

1 seven pound turkey breast
1 orange
1 pound of bacon
Various herbs salt and pepper

After combining everything cover the top with the bacon. It took about 2 1/2 hours to cook and when it was done it was AWESOME!!

Truly there is nothing the grill can't do. World peace is possible with the grill, it's that powerful. But I'm too selfish. I'm keepig my wonderful grill, with turkey this good, world peace can wait.

Happy thanksgiving all y'all !

Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone